Looking For A Grief Counselor? A Simple Guide To Effective Grief Therapy

The process of moving through the stages of grief is a difficult one, but sometimes you may discover that you need some assistance coping with grief. Grief counseling is a specialized form of therapy to assist survivors in coping with their grief.

Unlike traditional counseling, the behavior associated with grief does not need to be stopped or suppressed. Instead, a grief counselor is more like a guide who leads the survivor through the stages of death by assisting him in exploring his feelings and detaching himself from the negative aspects of the loss while encouraging him to build a healthy positive association with the lost loved one.

Obviously, a grief counselor cannot bring your deceased loved one back and she cannot "make it all go away."  The grief therapist can assist you in coping with your pain and teach you to use the pain as a means of growth and personal development. 

It is your job to look within yourself and find hope and a new purpose in life.  You have to paint on the canvas of your new life.  A grief counselor just helps you select the right brush.

While a grief counselor cannot numb you to the pain you are feeling as you cope with your grief, the therapist can assist you to answer the inevitable questions that you will ask as you learn to deal with loss. 

Your grief counselor is less of a doctor and more of a guide.  When a person suffers the loss of a loved one, they move through five stages of grief.  The grief counselor's function is to hold you hand and walk with you through these stages of grief (or pull you along if necessary).  As you walk this path, you will discover your own beliefs about dying and grieving while the counselor provides a space place for you to sort out who you are now versus the memories or who you once were. 

The grief therapist will help you to understand that even when you are feeling apathy, futility or hopelessness, there will be a moment when you emerge from the dark cave of grief and into the sunshine again.

If you search the internet for a grief counselor, you will find several hundred thousand choices. It seems that anyone with a counseling degree has suddenly hung out a shingle and is specializing in grief.

Use A Professional Network.

Another way to find a competent grief counselor is to consult one of the many professional associations. Many of these organizations have an outstanding commitment to providing meaningful assistance to those in living the grief process. Here are links to some of these organizations:

• Association for Death Education and Counseling
• The American Academy of Bereavement
• Hospice Foundation of America
• The National Hospice and Palliative Care Website

If you want to utilize local resources, can call your nearest hospice, cancer center, or funeral home for a referral to a competent grief counselor in your area.

Get A Referral From Someone You Trust.

Your search for a grief counselor will revolve around finding someone who is the right fit for you. Although there are many ways to find a grief counselor, the best way, in my opinion, is to have someone, who has dealt with their own grief , to give you a referral. Even if you receive a solid referral from a trusted friend, medical professional or spiritual advisor, you still need to take the opportunity (as is your right) to interview the counselor (and perhaps others) to see if you are a match.

Some people hold the mistaken belief that grief counselors are interchangeable and offer the same approach to grief as well as the same solutions.

I disagree.

It is only when there is a sense of safety and support in the grief counseling relationship that the survivor can experience a real opportunity for healing as he moves through the stages of grief to final acceptance of his loss.

Determine If You And Your Counselor Are A Match?

Not only do you need to inquire as to your counselor's professional credentials, but also their views on grieving, mourning and coping with grief.

You need to know why that person became a grief counselor. Determine if their reasons are an emotional match for the type of person you are and your inherent belief systems.

Of course, if they cannot tell you…..well, find another grief counselor…..

Depending on the circumstances, you can expect a range of grief related services from therapist, hospice providers and mental health professionals.  Private grief counselors should work with you to decide the kind of grief counseling support you to effectively cope with your grief.  They will help you determine the best time for you set up appointments and how often you should be scheduling them.   

Ultimately, a good grief counselor will look to you to decide the best means of supporting you.  Do not cultivate feelings of being disempowered because a counselor acts as if he knows more about your grief than you do.  Some people simply want to know that the counselor is available and that they have a "lifeline" for those times that their grief overcomes them. 

Depending on their credentials, some counselors will accept insurance while others do not.  Unfortunately, I have found that many insurance companies prefer to funnel their insureds to medical doctors for a quick visit and a pill, rather than paying for weeks or months of counseling.  Remember, you have a right to the best treatment and it is worthwhile to take the time to learn to cope with your grief rather than numb it with a pill.

For those of you who are uninsured, there are grief counselors that set their fees on a sliding scale which is based upon your means in income.  Before you select a counselor, check around and get a feel for what the standard fee is in your area.

As long as it takes. 

Ultimately, the decision is up to you.  There is no right answer and I think it is unfair to you to place yourself under a predetermined deadline.  You will get to a point where you no longer need to attend weekly sessions with your grief counselor. 

You will probably, at some point, stop having prescheduled sessions with your counselor and only use that person when you experience new or different emotions associated with your grief. 

Remember, grieving is a process, not an event.  The normal grief journey moves slow and movement may go backward as well as forward. 

For instance, as we move forward we will usually experience related losses due to the death of our loved one. This is particularly true where the survivor loses multiple loved ones due to one event or in a quick succession of unrelated events.  If there are other survivors, you may find that you delay your grief in order to care for another, weaker survivor.  These circumstances can serve to interrupt or delay your grieving process.

Do not overlook the importance of talking to someone as you begin coping with your grief.  The assistance of a well-trained grief counselor is an indispensable tool for you to utilize as you move through the stages of grief.  Do not make the mistake of going it alone.  Give yourself the gift of grief counseling.  I can assure you that you will look back at some point and be glad that you did.